Dating Terms That Define Modern Dating In 2024

Modern Day Relationship Terms

Navigating the dating world in these modern days can be tricky as well as interesting to navigate. In the mid-2010s terms like gaslighting and mansplaining seeped their way into the English lexicon and relationship terms. While it picked up in the mid-2010s these are things that have always been in existence. Gaslighting has always existed, albeit just being defined and recognised more in these modern times.

Words have always changed meaning, and the internet has only accelerated this process. This change in the way we use language is known as ‘concept creep’. The change basically means that terms linked to harm – like ‘trauma’ or ‘bullying’ – start getting watered down, and are used to describe a wide variety of very different things. Whether this is a bad thing or not is yet to be determined. However, one thing that’s integral is that these things are being recognized and being called out.

After a short research, I’ve come to realize that not just the terms but the new developments of modern dating and romance are not exactly common knowledge.

Here I’ll be talking about some modern dating terms used in today’s modern time.

1. Love Bombing

Basically love bombing happens when someone goes overboard with attention and affection in order to control you. 

The key phrase here is in order to control you or for a sinister reason.

At the beginning of the relationship a love bomber showers one with love and affection, gifts and makes you feel exceptionally special. They say what you want to hear. Love bombing is the love bomber being intensely showering the other person with affection, gifts, and promises for the future with them. Hence the victim feels it is the perfect match or is made to believe that all this is a sign of love at first sight. 

Then when they feel like they really got the person and they feel secure in the relationship, the narcissist typically switches and becomes very difficult, abusive, or manipulative.

Psychologists have identified the phases of love bombing with the acronym IDD ^.: 

”Intense Idealization, Devaluation, Discard (Repeat)”

Intense Idealization– here the person attributes exaggeratedly positive qualities to themself or others

Devaluation, Discard (Repeat)–  attributing exaggeratedly negative qualities to the love-bombed target.

 The process of identifying this behaviour pattern is the acronym SLL: “Stop, Look, and Listen”; after which breaking off contact with the abuser can become more possible by also seeking support from family and friends.

A perfect example of love bombing is Simon Levi in The Tinder Swindler. Simon Love-bombed his victims with grand expressions of affection, including moving rapidly toward being “a couple” and discussing a possible future together. This was to gain their trust and manipulate and scam them for their money in the long run.

2. Gaslighting

“I never said that”

“You’re overreacting“

“You’re just being overly sensitive.”

“I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this…”

Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of manipulation through persistent denial, misleading, contradiction, and lying in an attempt to mislead the victim, and undermine their reality by denying facts. This is to make them second guess themselves and question their reality and perception.

Signs of Gaslighting:

The main signs of gaslighting are, the gaslighter questioning the target’s memory, denying their feelings, lying and rewriting the story even while caught red-handed or being called out and eventually turning the blame around to the victim.  

In addition, a gas lighter usually tries to discredit the victim, they act like they are worried and confide in others telling them the victim might be crazy or forget things easily while painting them as overdramatic and overreacting to small issues. 

Unfortunately, this tactic is usually effective as many people side with the gaslighter without knowing the full story. 

An additional tactic by the gaslighter is to get the victim to believe that these people care about them and only want to help as they probably might be going crazy, losing time or just overreacting.

Please note,

If you are a victim of gaslighting, you are not to blame for your experiences, you only experience this because of the gaslighter and their selfish motions.

Gaslighting is done with the goal to intimidate, control, pass blame, and devalue, the victim.

A good example of gaslighting is Taylor swift All too well 15-minute video.

All Too Well by Taylor Swift – The Short Film

Let’s break down the conversation- 

Him: Why are you so pissed off?

Her: I’m not pisssed off — who said I was pissed off?

Him: Cause you’re acting pissed off. It’s ridiculous. These are my friends and they were super fucking nice to you too.

You can see here that he tries to de-valuate her emotions as well as imply she’s overreacting by being angry even when she says she isn’t. He implies that she and it is ridiculous that she is.

Her: You just treated me differently

Him: What do you mean I treated you differently?

Her: You didn’t even look at me once

Him: What are you talking about I didn’t look at you? I’m catching up with my friends.

Her: Oh no trust me they were enthralled by you

Him: You’re making the entire night about you

Her: You didn’t even look at me

Him: Holy shit holy shit I can’t, it’s so — it’s fucking selfish.

Bait and Switch

In this conversation, he just goes on to continue to de-valuate her emotions and deflects by insinuating she’s selfish when all she’s doing is explaining how she felt in the first place.

It is a classical bait and switch tactic by gas lighters/narcissists. They bait you by telling you it’s a safe place and you can tell what’s going on. However, this is to use it against you. They switch up on you and make you feel like your emotions are absurd or invalidated, then shift the blame to you.

Her: Don’t, you’re making me feel fucking stupid

Him: Holy shit, oh my god. I don’t think I’m making you feel that way. I think you’re making yourself feel that way. Literally, a moment that I don’t even fucking remember that you’re like, fucking like holding me hostage over, it’s insane. It’s fucking crazy.

These are people I haven’t seen like in ten years and you just sit there the entire time. It was fun. I actually had a fucking blast. Now — now this is the night, now we’re doing this.

Her: You just treated me differently

Him: What do you mean I treated you differently

Her: You didn’t even look at me once

Him: You’re making the entire night about you



You can see the switch here, and him constantly invalidating her emotions. He’s shifting the blame to her. Also by claiming he doesn’t remember what happened, he’s implying that she’s probably making things up and she’s overreacting. Classic narcissist behaviour. 

What to do if you think someone is gaslighting you

Distance yourself from the situation or relationship. Leave if you have to. Sort out the truth from distortion, keep pieces of evidence, recordings, journals, pictures etc.

Get an outside opinion. This can help you get a clearer perspective on what is going on. 

Most importantly speak to a mental health expert.

3. Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing is another modern-day dating tactic that has gained momentum in the new generation dating world. Albeit a popular tactic, this is a dating term that’s rarely known. I asked about 10 friends about this they didn’t recognize the term but recognised the tactic. It is one they’ve employed in the past or one that’s been used on them.

What is breadcrumbing?

Breadcrumbing – Hansel and Gretel style – is when daters leave a trail of breadcrumbs in the form of flirty messages, DMs liking and replying to Instagram posts and stories or (my favourite) drunken phone calls or texts to keep you interested.  

Giving just enough attention to keep the idea of a relationship alive. Sending out flirtatious messages or signals (- breadcrumbs) in order to lure the target in without following up or putting in much energy. Basically leading them on. They notice when your interest drops and increase the attention casually love bombing you with zero intention to follow up.

What does Breadcrumbing look like:

This doesn’t require an elaborate plan it is as simple as a 

“Hello, Beautiful” or “Hi Handsome” message. The classic “I wish you were here message”. “I saw this and thought of you” or “what’s your weekend looking like” 

The key thing here is that their actions don’t match their words. There is a general lack of energy to match their words. They never follow up with the date plans. Even when they suggest meeting up, they never follow up or stick to the plans.

What to do if you think you’re a victim of breadcrumbing? 

Set clear boundaries and ask to define your relationship. 

4. Orbiting

This is quite similar to breadcrumbing, but this is one that mostly happens on social media. They engage with your posts, send memes, and text on social media, but never actually take it out of social media. They might even make plans to meet outside of the internet but never stick to plans and cancel last minute. It never goes beyond social media.

5. Ghosting

This one hurts and it doesn’t just happen in dating relationships. They happen in any sort of personal relationship. It could even happen in a work relationship. It hurts the most because it usually happens out of nowhere and almost seems final. You go from constant communication to zero. No closure.

Ghosting is ending a personal relationship with someone suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. With social media, it goes even further to being restricted from contacting or reaching the person who’s doing the ghosting. This might be as simple as getting no response or being blocked.

Ghosting is cruel and leaves no room for closure so the person being ghosted wonders what happened and what they might have done to cause it. 

Why do people ghost?

It’s simple and less messy than having to explain why the ghost no longer wants to continue a relationship or talking stage with one. 

Ghosting has a real psychological impact on the person who’s being ghosted. It’s hard to do but sometimes the best thing to do in reasonable situations is to explain why you’re ending the relationship with the person. Understandable it is hard to do but as someone who’s been ghosted, a simple explanation will suffice.

What to do when there’s no closure?

Ghosting usually leaves little room for closure. How do you get closure when you’ve been given none?

Accept that you might never fully understand what happened and would not be getting the closure you need.

Forgive yourself and your partner. This helps you replace toxic and negative feelings with positive one. 

The road to closure is complicated and filled with obstacles. There is no single or clear path to achieving closure. There’ll be setbacks and bumps along the way, but you’ll achieve it one day.

6. Haunting

Haunting usually comes after ghosting. This is when the ghost continues to lurk around your social media despite stopping direct contact with you. For instance, they may have stopped responding to your DMs but may still watch your stories, like the odd post, send a birthday message or Happy New Month Message and also the drunken text or call. Highly suspect.

If a ghost wants to reconnect, be careful how to proceed. Don’t dance around the ghosting, Be straightforward about your feelings, If you were hurt, admit it. Ask for an explanation. Be highly suspect at what the response is. Be cautious and don’t pretend everything is OK. Pretending could give a ghost the green light to pull this shady move again down the road.

7. Situiationship

Now, this is a word that everyone knows. Put a finger up if you haven’t been in a situationship, 

A situationship is an undefined relationship. A relationship based on vibes. This is a non-committal relationship without DTR – (Defining The Relationship)

What does a Suitiationship look like?

Me: What are we?

Them: Whatever you want us to be

…………………………

Them: You know I love you. I’m just not ready for something serious.

Her: I understand. As long as we’re together right?

Situationships can be defined as a romantic relationship that is not defined, lacks commitment and the associated norms and expectations.

Sometimes, having undefined dating relationships is totally cool. It can be fun and sexually satisfying, without all the dating and the commitment. The problem is most times more than often one partner catches feelings.

Once emotions build, being in a situationship can totally blow.

8. Eclipsing

Eclipsing is when someone overhauls their own interests and even personality traits to adopt those of their partner, talking stage or crush. Now, we’ve all been guilty of this to some extent. 

Like watching shows or sports we have no interest in or developing a whole new personality or habit you would never have before. This has its own pros and cons and we see this all the time but as long as you’re doing this for the right reasons it should be okay.

A classic example is the Kardashians

Kourtney Kardashian dating Travis and before Travis. Note the presence and absence of colours.

Kim Kardashian with Kanye and before Kanye

9. Benching

Just like players get benched in sports, in dating players also get benched. What does that mean?

This is when a person likes someone enough to keep seeing them, and having them around but not enough to want to officially or lock them in, or just keep them around for when other prospects don’t work out. So they keep them on hold in case the time time to use them comes around, while they continue dating other people, or playing the field.